Monday, April 25, 2011

Oh, yeah: it's Easter!

Hope everyone had a very Happy Easter!  Mine was spent pretty lazily in my apartment, misguided by the sun shining through my patio door that it was hot outside.  Apparently, just because it is 84 degrees inside, does not mean that it isn't cool, breezy and otherwise awesome outside.  Who knew?

[My cute-as-awww-get-out...and seriously evil devilish niece at last year's Easter egg hunt]

Anyhow... I have given notice to my fiance that I am going to kill fed up with our dogs.  They finished off my last decent pair of shoes while I was sleeping (Friday night?  Saturday morning?!) this weekend.  I threatened them all day, with all kinds of nasty, cruel punishments (that I would never really inflict upon them); and I even evicted Zanders (the younger, smaller, stupider, I-think-I'm-super-adorable-so-you-can't-punish-me-for-anything dog) last week, putting him out the patio door and shutting the blinds-- for all of two minutes. 

Well, Sunday came around, and they were awesome.  So well behaved.... ok, as well behaved as they were going to be.  And then comes today.  And a phonecall from my roommate who returned home from work to find that my new wall ornaments loooooovely dogs had ripped up more of the carpetting in front of my bedroom door. 
And I don't feel at all better after typing that, either.  I feel like going home and spraying some of the nasty "bitter/sour apple" training spray -- that I had to purchase over the weekend for $10 -- in their face.  At least I would find some temporary satisfaction in their whining and discomfort.

[My (not) Hero]

... Accept that I would then feel super bad for them... because I, too, know what it is like to have that terrible, awful, disgusting, horrible, yucky, indescribable (yes, I can go on with these adjectives all day!) taste in my mouth.

... Because I was curious the other day to know "just how does 'bitter/sour apple' training spray taste, exactly?"  Oh boy!  Yes, my dumb rear end picked up bottle, held it to my mouth and put my tongue up to the spray-hole.  I didn't even spray it in my mouth; I licked residue of "bitter/sour apple" training spray!  And it was horrible.  It was, by far, the worst experience of my life.  Yes, it was that bad.  Worse.

I drank water.  Ewwww!   Ewww!  Get it out.  OMGEEEE this is awful!  But the water made it stronger.  It, diffused the stuff evenly over each and every taste-bud in my mouth.
Have you ever wanted to burn the taste-buds out of your mouth?  No, really.
I drank milk.  I held the milk in my mouth hoping that it would have the same effect on this stuff that it has on... whatever that spicy chemical is capsaicin.  I gargled the milk to make sure it got to every taste-bud.  No go.  Ahhhhhh!  Move, move!  I need to get in the bathroom.  Must.  Brush.  Teeth.  Ohhhhh, this is the worst thing ever!

... To round things up: I had to brush my teeth 3 times...and I still had a slightly yucky taste in my mouth the rest of the night.  My fiance thought it was hilarious.  I should have just believed him when he told me it was super-ultra-mad-concentrated stuff.

Moral of the story: Don't lick stuff that is meant to train puppies and other animals not to chew on furniture and what not.  Oh, what the hell -- don't lick any foreign thing, just to be on the safe side.  Because I probably need someone to smack me upside the head and tell me "DUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

Have a great week, everyone!

1 comment:

  1. Heh heh... so, as some of you may have figured out, "indescribable" things do not have an endless supply of adjectives to describe them. Just wanted to put it out there so ya don't think I'm that much more of an idiot.